Hebrew Hog Holiday Cards

The latest item I’ve added to the BBQ Jew store is here just in time for the holidays: a Hebrewific holiday card.  Eat your heart out, Hallmark, you couldn’t touch this greeting card if you named MC Hammer your CEO: http://www.zazzle.com/hog_sameach_holiday_card-137983403322988292

Special thanks to Dale Volberg Reed, co-author of Holy Smoke, for her clever “hog sameach” turn of phrase, which inspired this card.  Dale, I officially proclaim you an honorary BBQ Jew for life.  (And, yes, membership has its privileges as you’ll get 10% of my sure-to-be-huge net sale proceeds for this card.)

Porky’s Pulpit: Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Barbecue

Today is Memorial Day, a day set aside to remember fallen military heroes who gave their lives trying to protect the American way of life (and to find great deals on new cars, household goods, and other manifestations of consumerism runk amok, ahem, the American way of life).  Yet despite the heroic efforts of generations of brave men and women, one of America’s proudest institutions is under attack.  Indeed, like so many great American traditions before it–sex, drugs and rock & roll, to name only a few–barbecue is continuously affronted by the nattering na(shish-ka)bobs of negativism.

Every week my email inbox is filled with anti-barbecue propaganda, ranging from basically benign barbs to maliciously malignant missives.  Among the attacks I’ve seen on the great American institution, in the past week alone, are:

-On the benign side, confidence-suppressing articles about dealing with problems like “improper flaming” and other possible afflictions of the grill.  Not since Viagra ads first hit the airwaves have America’s charcoal-wielding men had such cause for performance anxiety.

-Articles about barbecue’s supposed role in the epidemic of obesity plaguing our nation’s collective midsection.

-News reports that imply barbecue may lead to incidents of violent crime and even natural disasters.

-Malignant stories discussing barbecue’s supposed link to, well, cancer; anyone want to learn about “7 Ways to Cancer-Proof Your Barbecue”?

-The burden placed on barbecue to solve America’s ongoing economic woes and rebuild its diplomatic ties at the highest levels.

-Common dangers, such as household fires, tenuously linked to barbecuing and played up for maximum dramatic effect on barbecue-friendly occasions like Memorial Day and Independence Day.  Even in BBQ strongholds like West Texas, the BBQ-baiting media have tracked down otherwise self-respecting firefighters who “are sending out a warning [that barbecue] might not be worth the risk.”  As current West Odessa Volunteer Fire Chief, and possible Past-President of the West Texas Brussel Sprouts Defense League, Jimmy Ellis put it in the same article, “One spark and the whole city could go up like a keg of dynamite.”  Humph.

-Lest the above dynamite-level dangers not be enough, other alarmists warn of the risk of contracting trichinosis and other food-borne illnesses.  Luckily, in a rare act of bravery, the USDA recently released updated guidelines on cooking meat, and finally admitted that cooking pork to 145 degrees is sufficiently safe (as tenderloin lovers have known for decades).

As if the above affronts on America’s barbecue tradition were not enough, the Al Gore set has devoted a disproportionate amount of effort to pin the future collapse of the earth’s ecosystems on barbecue.  Indeed, it appears that barbecue is now THE grease-stained culprit of global warming. “Are barbecue grills destroying the planet?,” asks an article in the May 27th issue of The Week, just the most recent in a series of attempts to make backyard pit bosses feel as guilty as possible for their selfless act of smoking meat instead of gassing it or, lord forbid, torturing it in an electric oven.

Finally, the forces of evil have stepped up their efforts to challenge the most fundamental of American barbecue values: the near-biblical truth that barbecue is by definition meat.  Indeed, masochistic vegetarians across the country write morally bankrupt drivel like this piece that tries to nudge meat aside and claim a spot on the Weber for veggies (it is consoling that the folks in the picture that runs with the article look famine-stricken and sport forced smiles that quietly scream, “For God’s sake, let me trade this pink polo shirt for a slab of ribs”).

While vegetarians take pains to inflate their bloated self-worth, and to maintain their emaciated figures, by choking down Bulgur Veggie Burgers with Lime Mayonnaise and the like, I’m sticking up for the American way.  I’ll be out back on my flammable wood deck cooking up some carbon-heavy, cancer-inducing pork butt to serve with bacon-flavored greens and calorie-full hush puppies.  After all, it’s Memorial Day and I think that our fallen heroes would have it no other way.

Backyard BBQ Season is Here

As I write this post it is one of those remarkably beautiful North Carolina spring days.   The temperature and humidity are perfect, the sky is Carolina blue (even for a devout Duke basketball fan like myself), and the swarms of summertime mosquitoes have yet to come out of hibernation or wherever the heck they are over the winter. In other words, it’s the perfect time to cook some barbecue.

If you want to become a master barbecue cook, or at least not embarass yourself too badly, I highly recommend reading through the great info at AmazingRibs.com.  The chief blogger/cook/all around BBQ guru over there, Meathead, offers a ton of free advice on everything from cuts of meat to buying guides for grills and accessories.  Really valuable info that ignorant wanna-be BBQers like myself can’t match.  If good old fashioned cookbooks are more your speed, I highly recommend Peace, Love, & Barbecue by Mike Mills or pretty much anything Steven Raichlen has written. Sure, he looks like a bit of a goofball but he knows his stuff.

You can spend a ton of money on a grill or smoker, but if you’re a newbie I recommend starting with something basic.  Cooking barbecue isn’t easy but it’s not all that complicated either.  There are lots of places to buy a grill, and online shops have started offering a lot of choices at competitive prices.  For example, CSGrills.com offers everything from entry level charcoal Brinkmann Smokers to top of the line Weber Gas Grills, as well as a range of other BBQ grills (with free shipping on most).  In my opinion, the only thing better than using a grill is dreaming about what a darn good pit master you’d be if you just had the right set up.  (Okay, maybe that’s just me).

Anyway, enough about my fantasies.  The bottom line: if you need a grill, buy one; if you have a grill, use it; and if you are planning to cook a bunch of barbecue, by all means save me some!  Happy cooking.

Decorate Your Christmas Tree the BBQ Jew Way

Need I remind you, my fellow BBQ Jews, that Christmas is just a few weeks away?  If you are like me (i.e., a Jew who married a wonderful Christian woman who feels the holidays are not complete without a sap-stained tree dropping needles on the floor) or even if you’re not, it’s time to buy your Christmas tree.  And you know what’s cool about Christmas trees?  Ornaments, that’s what.  But not just any ornaments. I can tell that you’re a pretty cool guy/gal because you are reading this blog.  Because of that, I know for a fact that only BBQ Jew ornaments will do your Christmas tree justice. 

As luck would have it, you can buy BBQ Jew ornaments here. So what are you waiting for?  Break into your piggy bank (no pun intended) and get your money ready to spend on ornaments at the  BBQ Jew Store .  All major credit cards are accepted and operators are standing by, but Hanukkah gelt is not accepted.

American Wasteland

Riddle me this, loyal readers: what do you call someone who splits his time between writing about eating barbecue and writing about not wasting food?  Confused? A hypocrite? Maybe even a hero? All three, perhaps, but I just call him The Rib Rabbi. 

My BBQJew.com co-author The Rib Rabbi moonlights as the author of Wasted Food.com, blogging under what I can only assume is a pseudonym, “Jonathan Bloom.”  His first book, American Wasteland: How America Throws Away Nearly Half of Its Food (and What We Can Do About It), was released yesterday.  That means The Rib Rabbi, or at least his alter ego Jonathan, is now a published author.  Sure, it’s not as impressive as being a barbecue blogger, but it’s something.  

Since BBQJew.com pays even its senior staff poorly, do The Rib Rabbi a favor and buy a copy of American Wasteland.  After all, he needs some pocket change to spend on barbecue.  Oh, and don’t worry, avoiding food waste and eating copious amounts of barbecue are completely compatible… right “Jonathan”?

Labor Day Weekend BBQ Jew Merch Sale

Good news, BBQ Jew fan(s).  You can order your favorite–or least favorite–BBQ Jew merchandise at rock bottom prices that are cheap enough make a dead man weep. Okay, not really sure what that means, but you can indeed get aprons at 60% off,  and t-shirts and mugs at 10% off

Visit the online store and enter LABORDAYSALE for the coupon code at checkout.

Father’s Day Merch Sale

Don’t you want dad to be happy after all the years of headaches you brought him?  Now’s your chance to finally make him proud of you.  In honor of Father’s Day, you can get free shipping for orders of $35 or more through tomorrow afternoon.  Just enter the “DADDYFREEGRD” coupon code at the BBQ Jew store.

Dad sure would look nice in a “Devout from Tail to Snout” t-shirt.  And you’d better believe he’d enjoy his next cup of coffee even more if he had a BBQ Jew logo mug to drink it from (oh, and don’t forget, dad always likes his coffeee with a shot of whiskey).  Or maybe all dad wants for Father’s Day is a “Pork is Kosher, Right?” bumper sticker for his F-150.  Heck, get him one of each to make up for all the pain he’s endured since you were born…

Kraft: “The Boss Sauce”

I stumbled into this classic piece of American television history somewhat disturbing blaxploitation commercial and thought it was interesting.  Hopefully this video provides yet another compelling reason to put down the Kraft and pick up a bottle of sauce from your local barbecue joint.  Local sauce is boss, man. Groovy.  Ya dig?

 

20.10% Off BBQ Jew T-Shirts & Mugs

I am guessing that one of your New Year’s resolutions is to buy some BBQ Jew merchandise before the end of 2010, right?  Good news, that’s a resolution you can cross off your list today at 20.10% off regular prices for t-shirts and mugs.  Lucky you. 

Just visit our online store at http://www.zazzle.com/bbqjew and enter the coupon code “NEWYOUZAZZLE” at checkout.  Hurry though, this offer expires at midnight on Tuesday!

BBQ Jew Merchandise On Sale

With Christmas and Hanukkah fast approaching, there is no better time than now to order BBQ Jew merch.  Wouldn’t your newborn niece look nice in an “I’m Fine with the Swine” onesie?  Wouldn’t your husband love a “Devout from Tail to Snout” BBQ apron?  Don’t you crave a “Pork is Kosher, Right?” coffee mug?  These are rhetorical questions but feel free to answer them with your credit card at the BBQ Jew Store.

We sell through Zazzle.com, which is having a “12 Deals of Christmas” sale right now with a different deal announced each day.  Free shipping, 30% off discounts and more.  Just visit the BBQ Jew Store and follow the “Click for code” link near the top of the page to see the deal of the day and other coupons available. 

Order now while supplies last.  Some restrictions may apply.  Offer void where prohibited by kosher law.  Your newborn niece doesn’t care what her onesie says. 

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