Last year is quickly fading in my memory–the only vivid reminders are a laundry basket full of grease-stained t-shirts and the ongoing global economic crisis–so before it is too late let’s turn our attention to the BBQJew.com end of year awards. Here are our 2009 Performance In Getting Swine Talked-about, Yes (PIGSTY) awards:
Most Voluminous Poster (MVP) – This award is given to the person who submits the most non-spam comments on the BBQ Jew website. (Employees of BBQJew.com are not eligible for consideration, in part because there are none.) And the winner is… burgeoningfoodie. Congratulations burgeoningfoodie. However, we’ve noticed a decline in your posts in recent months so don’t think you can coast to another MVP in 2010… John Shelton Reed and BBQ Dave were runners-up and will be gunning for MVP in 2010.
Biggest Frickin’ Flame (BFF) – This award goes to the most mean-spirited comment of the year. Congratulations “Mike,” if that’s even your real name, because you win. The winning comment was: “No one compares in vehemence to the self-hating anti-semetic Jew. But, here’s hoping you all don’t contract trichinosis!” How can I love myself with comments like that directed at me? I can at least take solace in your use of the phrase “you all,” which indicates you must be a self-hating yankee.
Best Barbecue-Related Rant Witnessed In Person (BBRRWIP) – This award goes to Bob Kantor of Memphis Minnie’s BBQ for an eloquent and impassioned tirade against margarine, people who refer to margarine as butter, and a bunch of related things. The rant, which I can’t recall verbatim, used the margarine/butter issue as a jumping off point for a monologue about faux ‘cue, Americans’ too frequent lack of interest in quality ingredients and much more. It was rather awesome and right on target.
Biggest BBQ Jew Benefactor (BBJB) – In 2009, this award goes to the person who buys the most BBQ Jew merchandise, as merch sales are the only way this website generates income (our business model is brilliant). Congratulations, Random Dude From Australia Who Bought A T-Shirt And Mug, thank you for all you have done for us. The $4 we generated from the transaction have been plowed back into our newsroom. And, uh, if anyone wants to, like, write us a check for $5 or more we’ll re-award the BBJB to you.
Opportunity of the Year (OY) – This award is given out primarily because we wanted an award with the abbreviation “oy.” Let’s give the OY to everyone’s favorite, The Swine Flu, for giving us the opportunity to write several space-filling posts, including this one.
Piglet of the Year (POY) – This award is given to a youngster who exhibits impressive barbecue eating talent. This year we have a tie: The Rib Rabbi’s baby son and my toddler daughter were dragged, sometimes literally kicking and screaming, to several barbecue joints in 2009. Some day you two will thank us for starting you out on such a healthy diet.