If You Can’t Do the Time, Don’t Steal the Swine

A wave large ripple of hog-related crime has swept across the nation (and by nation I mean parts of the upper midwest).

The New York Times–which, I swear I read only for the pictures–reported in late September that: “This month, 150 pigs—each one weighing more than an average grown man—disappeared from a farm building in Lafayette [MN] despite deadbolts on its doors. Farther north near Lake Lillian, 594 snorting, squealing hogs disappeared last month, whisked away in the dark.  And in Iowa… pigs have been snatched, 20 or 30 at a time, from as many as eight facilities in the last few weeks… .”

The reason for the thefts? It’s the economy stupid.  Well, the economy and the commodities market.  Certainly the economy has some folks desperate to earn a buck, and hog prices are at near record highs.  The difficulty of securing and even keeping up with the thousands of hogs on an average industrial hog farm may be contributing factors.

You may wonder, where does one sell a “hot” hog?  The answer remains a mystery but if you drop by your local pawn shop and see a 200 pound hog behind the counter, I recommend calling 9-1-1.

Oh, and I should add that my favorite part of the New York Times article is this correction:  “An earlier version of this article incorrectly quoted Ryan Bode of Rebco Pork. Commenting on 150 missing pigs, he said, ‘My guess is that they’re bacon and pork chops already,’ not ‘baking in pork chops.'”  Only a New York Times reporter would say something as silly as “baking in pork chops.”  C’mon people, get it together.