Porky’s Pulpit: Pig Barrel Politics

Happier Than a Pig in Sh… Argentina?
We’d be remiss if we didn’t seize this increasingly-not-so-rare opportunity at pig-related humor about a politician from a pig-friendly state.  With Former North Carolina Senator/Failed Presidential Candidate John Edwards’ piggish behavior fading from the limelight, fresh revelations from the Land of Mustard Other Carolina have filled the void.  As you’ve undoubtedly heard by now, Soon-to-be-Former (?) Governor and Suddenly-Less-Likely-to-be Future Presidential Candidate Mark Sanford of South Carolina (where the mustard-tinged barbecue sauce must have impaired his thinking) was caught in a web of lies last week.  Sanford disappeared for several days before it was revealed that he was visiting Argentina, the country with the highest per capita beef consumption.  As if visiting the beef capital of the world was not pig-headed enough, Sanford did so to visit his mistress.  This presumably steak-fueled affair represents a double-affront: to Sanford’s wife and to the hog-loving populace of South Carolina.

Before Charlotte’s Web of Deception
Amazingly, Sanford’s piggish behavior in Argentina was not his first pig-related scandal.  Several years earlier, Sanford raised quite a stink when he brought a pair of piglets to the South Carolina State Capitol.  The piglets, predictably named “Pork” and “Barrel,” were part of a publicity stunt to protest excessive spending.  Unfortunately for Sanford, Pork and Barrel apparently disagreed with their escort’s political agenda and expressed their views by defecating on his shoes.  (See more on the swine scandal, including video footage, here.)

Hog Wild
Making matters worse for Sanford, racy messages from his email account recently surfaced in the media, including this gem: “I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificently gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curves of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself . . . in the faded glow of night’s light.”  Our team of BBQJew.com fact checkers has not yet been able to confirm whether this message was sent to Sanford’s mistress or to the piglets he escorted to the state Capitol…

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